I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
