I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
