a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
