Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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