I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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