Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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