come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
