i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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