I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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