fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
