sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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