This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What drink are we having for lunch?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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