I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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