apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
