So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
