you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize