This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
