Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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