Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
