Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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