Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
