I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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