I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize