Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
