whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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