we're blogging at a bar
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
