STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
