So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
