I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
