this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
