Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm always down for nudity.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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