using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
