i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
