i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
