I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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