My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I looked at my own cervix.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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