guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
