shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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