Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
