Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
