My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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