Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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