I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How external is "for external use only"?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize