I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
