I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
