Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
