I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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