I hate all girls vehemently.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
