she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So much rum. So many feels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
