the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
