i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
