Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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