She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I color on your dick again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think people are normalizing furries
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
