I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
