I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
