I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
