She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
