Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
