happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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