She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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