I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize