sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
