He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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