i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
