what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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