I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
