So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
