I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
