she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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