You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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