Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
