Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
