I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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