When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
