if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
