i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
