you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
worst night to have a conscience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
