woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
