somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
