im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Come see our sink grown plant.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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