i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
