Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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