so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
