a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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