Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your face is a jimmy john
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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