Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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