that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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