it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
