i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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