Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I just put wine in my tea
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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