It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
