Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
