I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
