I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
