Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
