my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
