her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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