..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
