Have you finally orgasmed yet?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All the doctor said was why
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
