I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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