But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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