i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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