I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
