we have pet lesbian snakes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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