Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
