It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
