Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
