If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize