false alarm. still invincible.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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